In bed with married women- Jill Hamilton

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Courtesy of Jill Hamilton

 

I was sprawled across my bed, utterly wrecked, one morning many years ago. I’d just had amazing phone sex with someone who, to this day, remains the most attachment-avoidant person I’ve ever met.

“Holy fuck,” I mumbled, made dreamy by ravishment. “Why was that so…good? We were on the phone.”

“People need connection,” he said simply. To my surprise, even he had known this, deep in some barely accessible part of his poor love-avoidant heart. And it had been a connection, an intense sexual communion that felt like something real had happened, even though nobody parts had been touched or even seen.

This private connection between lovers–This is why we fuck each other, even though there are plenty of promiscuous toys, pillows, and shower spouts that can do the job quite well. And, yes, it has to be fucking (of some sort) because other human interactions–a nice chat in the bank line, for example–just won’t do it.

Bearing witness to someone surrendering to their instincts–just being with them at the moment they lose themselves–is fucking powerful. And to find someone you trust enough to fall into that void with them, well, it’s a rare and beautiful gift.

On a less sublime level, I think it’s also about being present in the Now and existing in a state of Flow, where you are wholly consumed with what you are doing. These are purportedly optimal (and often needlessly Capitalized) states for achieving happiness, inner peace and well-being. (See also: Ekhart Tolle’s The Power of Now and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s Flow). The orgasm is, like, a bonus to what’s really going on.

Caitlin Moran describes this kind of focused-attention-on-another in her book How to Build a Girl about a teenage Brit who transforms herself into a badass music journalist/sexual adventurer:

“Here’s the amazing thing about sex: you get a whole person to yourself, for the first time since you were a baby. Someone who is looking at you–just you–and thinking about you, and wanting you…You are in a room with a closed door, and no one else can come through it….It seemed to me that this was the real reason people wanted to fuck so much. To get here. To get to this tiny, quiet place where there was nothing else to do but be with each other. Just to be two humans who had–for a short while–stopped wanting.”

That idea fits nicely with what I discovered when I looked on PornHub the other day for the Top Rated Video of All Time. It wasn’t “Bitch takes cum in her hair” or whatever I was expecting, but a sweet little clip of a sleepy, tousled-haired woman waking her lover up and giving him a blow job.

This top-rated video–OF ALL TIME!–showed two people portrayed as affectionate, familiar lovers happy to be waking up together in such a nice way. They weren’t over-the-top porn excited, but just enjoying the everyday-yet-so-amazing swollen pleasures of taking someone you like in your mouth and/or being taken thus. In the world of porn, this was maybe about the squarest, most vanilla thing ever. And yet it was the most loved…of all time! (For that one day, at least. Today, alas, I can’t re-find it. It has been replaced by “Hot blond maid having anal.” Top-redness is apparently fleeting. )

The point of all this being: sexual connection, in whatever form it takes, is something we all seek, including the millions of surreptitiously wanking users of Porn Hub on that particular day. Even my old friend, the dear attachment-avoidant boy, needed this intimacy, albeit from the distance that felt safe to him.

We all need to get this place, however we can–where you get to be two humans who have–for a short while–stopped wanting.

Go find your place.

xoxo
jill

5 Mind-Blowing Sex Positions for Multiple Orgasms

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Courtesy of Jill Hamilton
Flying V

Oral is a great way to try for multiple orgasms because it doesn’t require a penis-having partner to stay hard for aeons. Scoot your butt to the edge of the bed so your partner can kneel and get to work. This works best if you start with a gentle clit-only orgasm them move to a deep whole-V kind. For part one, gentle licks and sucks, for part two, they can slide a curved finger inside of you for a firm and steady internal stim while they continue with oral attention.

The Rag Doll

If you want/crave different stimulation within the same position, because multitasking, lie on your side with a pillow under your head. He kneels by your butt, a knee between your legs so he’s straddling your lower leg, and your upper leg goes over his thigh. Angle yourself to focus stimulation and if/when you have an orgasm, shift to another and try again. Options: rubbing yourself on his upper thigh, letting yourself go limp for P-in-V plus clit rub, anal plus vibrator, etc.

Bump and Grind

Trade off on thrusting duties to mix up the stimulation. Have your partner get on top a la missionary, then put your legs inside theirs and press them tightly together. Shift down a little so you can grind against the top of their shaft. You do all the moving — his job, if he can stand it, is not to come…yet. For round two, they lift themselves onto their hands so you can rub yourself as they thrust. Super sexy for all.

The Cup Holder

If you get super sensitive after an orgasm, a seated position is your friend. Sit on your partner’s lap facing away for orgasm #1. After, when you think you can’t take anymore, they gently cup your V with their whole hand. As your body parts calm down a little, they move up to slow rub with their whole hand. And so it begins again.

The Soft Parade

The clitoris extends way inside and around your vagina. The key to multiples is getting at it from different angles. For this, you need reinforcements. Start out solo — gather an arsenal of toys and take to your bed. Use your hand as a simple, and hopefully, starter, clitoral orgasm. Afterwards, try for another by sliding a dildo-style vibrator inside your vagina and pressing it against the top wall. If you can handle more, mix and match with butt plugs, clit vibrators, whatever you’ve got. Just make sure to lock the door.

Coursey of Jill Hamilton