The grand object for which a gentleman exists, is to excel in company. Conversation is the mean of his distinction, the drawing-room the scene of his glory.
In company, though none are “free,” yet all are “equal.” All therefore whom you meet, should be treated with equal respect, although interest may dictate toward each different degrees of attention. It is disrespectful to the inviter to shun any of her guests. Those whom she has honoured by asking to her house, you should sanction by admitting to your acquaintance.
If you meet any one whom you have never heard of before, you may converse with him with entire propriety. The form of “introduction” is nothing more than a statement by a mutual friend that two gentlemen are by rank and manners fit acquaintances for one another. All this may be presumed from the fact, that both meet at a respectable house. This is the theory of the matter. Custom, however, requires that you should take the earliest opportunity afterwards to be regularly presented to such an one.
The great business in company is conversation. It should be studied as art. Style in conversation is as important, and as capable of cultivation as style in writing. The manner of saying things is what gives them their value.
The most important requisite for succeeding here, is constant and unfaltering attention. That which Churchill has noted as the greatest virtue on the stage, is also the most necessary in company, to be “always attentive to the business of the scene.” Your understanding should, like your person, be armed at all points. Never go into society with your mind en deshabille. It is fatal to success to be all absent or distrait. The secret of conversation has been said to consist in building upon the remark of your companion. Men of the strongest minds, who have solitary habits and bookish dispositions, rarely excel in sprightly colloquy, because they seize upon the thing itself, the subject abstractly, instead of attending to the language of other speakers, and do not cultivate verbal pleasantries and refinements. He who does otherwise gains a reputation for quickness, and pleases by showing that he has regarded the observation of others.
It is an error to suppose that conversation consists in talking. A more important thing is to listen discreetly. Mirabeau said, that to succeed in the world, it is necessary to submit to be taught many things which you understand, by persons who know nothing about them. Flattery is the smoothest path to success; and the most refined and gratifying compliment you can pay, is to listen. “The wit of conversation consists more in finding it in others,” says La Bruy,re, “than in showing a great deal yourself: he who goes from your conversation pleased with himself and his own wit, is perfectly well pleased with you. Most men had rather please than admire you, and seek less to be instructed, nay, delighted, than to be approved and applauded. The most delicate pleasure is to please another.”
It is certainly proper enough to convince others of your merits. But the highest idea which you can give a man of your own penetration, is to be thoroughly impressed with his.
Patience is a social engine. To listen, to wait, and to he wearied are the certain elements of good fortune.
If there be any foreigner present at a dinner party, or small evening party, who does not understand the language which is spoken, good breeding requires that the conversation should be carried on entirely in his language. Even among your most intimate friends, never address any one in a language not understood by all the others. It is as bad as whispering.
Never speak to any one in company about a private affair which is not understood by others, as asking how that matter is coming on, &c. In so doing you indicate your opinion that the rest are de trop. If you wish to make any such inquiries, always explain to others the business about which you inquire, if the subject admit of it.
If upon the entrance of a visitor you continue a conversation begun before, you should always explain the subject to the new-comer.
If there is any one in the company whom you do not know, be careful how you let off any epigrams or pleasant little sarcasms. You might be very witty upon halters to a man whose father had been hanged. The first requisite for successful conversation is to know your company well.
There is another precept of a kindred nature to be observed, namely, not to talk too well when you do talk. You do not raise yourself much in the opinion of another, if at the same time that you amuse him, you wound him in the nicest point, his self-love. Besides irritating vanity, a constant flow of wit is excessively fatiguing to the listeners. A witty man is an agreeable acquaintance, but a tiresome friend. “The wit of the company, next to the butt of the company,” says Mrs. Montagu, “is the meanest person in it. The great duty of conversation is to follow suit, as you do at whist: if the eldest hand plays the deuce of diamonds, let not his next neighbour dash down the king of hearts, because his hand is full of honours. I do not love to see a man of wit win all the tricks in conversation.”
In addressing any one, always look at him; and if there are several present, you will please more by directing some portion of your conversation, as an anecdote or statement, to each one individually in turn. This was the great secret of Sheridan’s charming manner. His bon-mots were not numerous.
It is indispensable for conversation to be well acquainted with the current news and the historical events of the last few years. It is not convenient to be quite so far behind the rest of the world in such matters.
All the parts of the human body work together, although each one has its especial part to do. The stomach must have a time to rest between meals. The other parts of the body require rest, too. This they usually get while we are asleep. We must not be neglectful and fail to give them enough rest, or they will soon get worn out and give us trouble.
Sometimes, when people are not well or are all tired out, they find they cannot sleep well at night. There are a number of little things that can be done to induce sleep. A warm bath before retiring, followed by a gentle massage, especially along the spine, often will, by relaxing the nerves and muscles, produce very good results. A hot foot bath, which draws the blood away from the brain, frequently will be found beneficial. A glass of hot milk or cocoa, taken just before retiring, often will have the same effect. If the sleeplessness is a result of indigestion, a plain diet will relieve. Sleeping upon a hard bed without any pillow sometimes produces the desired effect. Always have plenty of fresh air in the room. Keep the mind free from the cares of the day. If they will intrude, crowd them out by repeating something else some soothing sentence or bit of poetry. One good plan is to close the left nostril by pressing on it with the finger, then take four deep breaths through the right nostril. Then close the right nostril and take four deep breaths through the left one. Repeat this about four times. Then breathe slowly through both nostrils, but count your breaths. You seldom will count very many. Never take any sleeping powders or tablets except upon the advice of a physician, for they usually contain drugs that will injure the heart.
You will find that you will meet a number of men who are nervous, which means they have not control of their nerves, but let them run away with them. Sometimes this is shown in palpitation of the heart, headache, backache, and many other disorders. There may be a tendency to cry at trivial things, or a feeling of having “the blues.” The cause usually can be found in uncongenial surroundings or occupation, loss of friends, or real or fancied troubles. Whatever the cause, it should be removed, if possible, and measures taken to restore the worn out nerves that are crying for rest or food. Tonics help, so does nourishing food, such as eggs and milk; also a change of scene and occupation, if possible. A man who is nervous frequently does not realize what is the cause of his condition, and considers only the symptoms. So when he has a headache, resorts to medicine. In taking these she only is deadening the pain and not removing the cause, so the pain is liable to return.
So a good sex life and strong sex drive is very intimately (pun intended, of course) tied to your fitness levels.
And that is why we sometimes feature articles about sex, libido and relationships.
The following such article is written by my friend Jordan Gray, bestselling author of multiple relationship, sex and dating books, and a guy who drastically improved my own married sex life. Enjoy, leave your comments and questions below the post, and be sure to check out Jordan’s books on Amazon.
By the way, if you don’t like frank and explicit talk about sex, then you may just want to skip this article.
I did an interview called “How To Get Fit For Sex” with Ben Greenfield a few months ago – and he asked me something that rattled around in my head for a while after our call.
At the end of our bad-ass hour long interview about how to get fit for sex, he asked me if I had experimented with any foods, supplements, or other magic potions to increase sexual performance. And up until that point, I hadn’t.
This set me on a three-month-long test to see how much I could dial up my libido, sexual performance, and erectile strength for the better.
Basically, I became a human guinea pig… for sex. Okay, I’ll admit – that sounded stranger than I intended it to.
I have certainly written in the past on how to last longer, how to dial up the sexual polarity in your relationship, how to sexually strengthen yourself, and how ejaculating too much can drain you… but this was the first time that I had tested the idea that slightly shifting your diet could positively affect your sex life.
The results, at times, were pretty intense (read: extremely, overwhelmingly intense).
Now – keep in mind that I did not have my testosterone levels checked out by a doctor at any point in this process. This was not a scientific method. I was going strictly by how sexually voracious I felt (a fancy way to say horny), how often I woke up with nocturnal penile tumescence (aka NPT, aka morning wood), and how intense and long lasting my erections were throughout the day when I wasn’t engaging in any sexual activity.
With that in mind, I did control my exposure to each substance/dietary change by only doing one thing at a time. And then at the end I did all of the things all at once (it gets pretty funny… you’ll see soon).
I’m giddy writing this article right now. Over the past three months, my sex drive (and presumed testosterone levels) had a gradual and steady increase, which then culminated in a couple weeks where it was absolutely TOO much.
With a higher sex drive, you can open your woman sexually with more ease, and have more confidence in your sexual abilities.
So without further delay, here are the biggest lessons that I learned from three months of biohacking my sex life with supplements and minor dietary changes.
1. Remove toxins from your home environment and self-care regimen
One of the first things that I learned the importance of was removing toxins from my home and self-care regimen.
In my off-call conversation with Ben Greenfield, he told me about the importance of removing harmful chemicals from my household. Any unnatural cleaning products (whether I cleaned my stove or my face with them) would harm my sleep and therefore interfere with my testosterone production. And remember, testosterone is the sex and aggressions hormone and is absolutely critical in increasing your sex drive.
Ben’s article How To Detox Your Home deep-dives into the details and science of the matter.
So I got rid of all of the soaps, moisturizers, and others things that had parabens, aluminum, and other harmful chemicals in them that plugged up my body and interfered with my natural hormonal process. I also turned off my WiFi router and cell phone at night so that the EMF waves weren’t dancing around in my bedroom/home.
Whether it was strictly a placebo effect or not, I felt a noticeable difference in my sex drive within the first two weeks of cutting out all of the dyed/perfumed soaps and products from my house. And I was fully single during this time so I knew that the boost in libido wasn’t the rush of a new relationship that was giving me a surge in sex drive.
I truly believe that without detoxing my personal hygiene routine (I personally started using this soap and this deodorant to great effect and cut out every product from my self-care routine) the rest of the steps ahead wouldn’t have done nearly as much. The pathways to increased T-levels would have been blocked by the offending toxins and chemicals in my body.
2. Your diet matters
Eating clean, real foods, getting regular exercise, and having a full night’s sleep all contribute to your hormonal balance and testosterone production.
I’m going to skip all of the science that I found in books like this (my favourite book on the subject), and this (my second favourite book on the subject), and give you the cliffs notes of the 30+ hours of private study that I did to find out exactly what foods lead to higher testosterone levels.
Specific foods/kinds of foods to limit your intake of: sugar, caffeine, white flour, excessive starchy carbohydrates.
Best foods to consume for testosterone production: zinc, vitamin D, vitamin C, vitamin B, flaxseed oil, nettle root, celery, cucumber, kale, spinach, radish, oatmeal (rolled oats/steel cut oats), garlic, pine nuts, eggs, broccoli, blackberries and blueberries (berries in limited amounts). Incidentally, the multivitamin that Ben now recommends does actually contain most of these compounds.
The more dark and colourful vegetables you consume, and the less processed crap you eat, the happier your body will be, and the healthier your sex drive will be.
3. Increase Your Intake Of Healthy Fats
As an add-on to the limiting of sugars, white flour, and starchy carbs, ensuring that your diet has an ample amount of polyunsaturated and saturated fats will help in your testosterone production.
In the most intense phase of my diet-focused testosterone boosting I drank an organic raw egg before bed every night for a week (testosterone is derived from cholesterol… which eggs have in spades) and I woke up with insane morning wood every morning without fail. From making sure that I consumed some cholesterol and healthy fat before bed I noticed that I recovered more quickly from my workouts and my sex drive had a big shot in the arm.
4. Some books have much more useful information than others
There are a ton of resources out there on increasing testosterone naturally, and to be honest, they’re full of fluff stories and dry-sounding science. Stuff that I’m sure is all reputable and true, but it’s insanely boring (to me at least).
The three best books that I found on the subject (that were value dense, and also had a tone of voice that didn’t totally talk over my head) were The Natural Testosterone Plan, Testosterone For Life, and Clean. You can dig into those if you feel so compelled.
5. Pine Pollen
Remember earlier in the article where I mentioned that there came a time where I had stacked so many things that my sex drive started to become unbearably high? Well this last step was the force multiplier that took everything in high gear.
So by this point I had cleaned out/detoxed my body and home environment, limited foods that I knew were bad for me, increased my overall vegetable and healthy fat intake, and was getting better sleep more regularly.
I consulted with one of my friends who just recently turned 40 and he could pass for a jacked 30 year old. The guy is buff… as in, you can always see his veins even when he’s sitting and calmly reading a book. But he’s a vegetarian/organic loving guy who would never touch any kind of pharmaceutical drugs (so he wasn’t taking steroids or anything artificial like that). I asked him what his secret was… and he told me “pine pollen.”
I’d never heard of pine pollen before embarking on this journey, but now that I have I’m never going back.
My friend informed me that pine pollen wouldn’t take my testosterone levels PAST what was a good baseline for what my body wanted to produce, but it would feel like I had a major boost in libido because my body was likely drastically below what it wanted to be (from general poor diet or chronic stress/poor sleep, etc.)
The science behind pine pollen is still shaky at best but apparently the story goes that it is a natural phyto-androgen (which is a fancy way of saying tree sperm). It is also a complete protein, and is rich in vitamins and minerals. It is available in tablet or tincture form, but the tincture form is recommended only for men middle-aged and older, while the tablet can be taken by younger men, women, children, and the aged. Of course, anyone with a pine pollen allergy should avoid both forms.
Long story short, I started taking pine pollen tablets three times a day. My reasoning went like this “This product is probably just a natural health product that does very little, so let’s see what happens when I start off by taking the full dose… probably nothing.”
And I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The next morning I woke up with a raging erection like someone had slipped Cialis into my mouth while I was asleep.
The effects compounded over the next ten days as I continued the dosage at the full level. I told myself that I would give each phase of my T-boosting tests two weeks each (to really see if each phase made a difference), and the pine pollen phase was the only one that I had to cut short because it was too intense.
I could barely concentrate on anything. Every woman that walked by me looked amazing. Sex was on my mind constantly (and I have a relatively low sex drive normally so this was totally out of the ordinary for me).
After ten days of the fourteen day test, I cut my dosage back to half of the recommend amount and I felt much more like a human being again (and less like an animal).
The happy medium that I have found throughout this process is that I have continued to limit simple sugars, alcohol, and caffeine, make sleep a priority, eat more healthy fats, and take the pine pollen dosage just a few days per week. My sex drive has never been more steady, strong, and balanced, and I have more drive and motivation day to day.
So to wrap things up – start by cutting out the parabens and heavy metals in your self-care products, stop eating food that you know is bad for you, eat more healthy fats, get a good sleep, and if you’re going to experiment with any supplements, try out pine pollen tablets.